Well after what seems like months and months wishing for the time to fly by, it appears my wishes have finally been answered... I sit here this morning, with mixed feelings of dread and anticipation of this time next week, when at long last Robbie will be getting his implant.
I thought I had experienced extreme stress on the run up to the eventual diagnosis of Dystonia, I then again felt I had reached a further extreme level of stress as medications were tried, and seemed to work briefly, and then began to lose their impact over time, but this last week or so my stress levels have risen to a completely new level yet again !!!
You wake up and the op is in your mind, you eat and the op is there in your mind, you go to the gym and the op is there in your mind, and again you go to bed and your thoughts are of the op yet again. It is like being on a rotating wheel, and the thought of the op is all you can focus on, it is always there, just like a scar you carry it with you at all times, there is no escaping the images your mind conjures up on what you think will be, and deep down you cannot help but believe all will be well, you just need to stay strong and get yourself through this last hurdle.
As for Robbie, we have talked further about the op and he is still just taking it in his stride, to be honest he is more concerned about “all the travelling” he will have to do... He has now decided after our drive to London last week, he dislikes travelling with a passion... If that is the worse of his concerns we are happy to stop off halfway this time we go down to give him a break...
In many ways I am glad Robbie is so young, and maybe doesn’t fully understand what the surgery involves as yet, ignorance is bliss sometimes, that said he will be sedated through the worse of the pain, so this way he can just focus on recovery, and kids do have a much quicker recovery rate as they tend not to feel so “sorry” for themselves, they are more resilient than us “adults” they tend to pick themselves up and get on with it.
No, on reflection it is certainly Mum and Dad (and Big Brother Rhys) that are stressing the most about this out of the whole family unit, but on a positive slant a couple of weeks down the line and we will be close to coming home, back to the nest as it were, with this procedure behind us (Guess I am beginning to do that wishing for time to pass thing again!)
Another strange thing is how the simple things in life suddenly become more important, the kisses, the cuddles and smiles mean the world to me now, music and lyrics are another thing I now look at and listen to a bit more intently, lately many songs keep hitting my mind and striking chords that I can relate to, probably as an example I would probably say Coldplay’s “Fix you” will now be a song that will always bring me back to this moment in my life.
We were back at the Evelina again last week, going through some of the mobility assessments again, it was really good to see the team, they truly are a skilled team, and really know their stuff. You will be really impressed if you ever get the chance to meet them.
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